Decode the Publisher’s Book Description

Decode the Publisher's Book DescriptionHow do you decode the publisher’s book description – you know, those tag-lines on the front and back cover? You can find various versions of the critic’s glossary of terms online with their ‘true’ meanings. None of which you’ll find in any ‘respectable’ reference work.

The origin of the list appears lost in time* but it continues to grow and evolve; so here’s my guide to all those words and phrases the book marketers use to entice us to part with our cash. You’re welcome.

Literary Classics

Enchanting – there’s a dog in it.

Heart-warming – there’s a dog and a child.

Moving – the child dies.

Heart-rending – the dog dies.

Thoughtful – mind-numbingly tedious.

Haunting – nobody can tell you what it’s about.

Nostalgic – set in the past.

Exotic – set abroad.

Visionary – set in the future.

Audacious – a mess that disregards every rule of storytelling.

Perceptive – set among the working class.

Provocative – infuriating.

Evocative – far too much description.

Gritty – unrelenting working-class misery.

Sassy – more attitude than talent.

Fiery – the protagonist is insufferable.

Worthy – tedious and dull.

Riveting – prose that sounds like banging sheet metal together.

Lyrical – pointless purple prose for pages on end.

Luminous – smugly revelling in its own cleverness.

Hilarious – the publisher’s mother-in-law laughed at it once.

Unforgettable – still irritating six months later.

Unforgettable – that book about the thingamyjig by whathisname.

Grisly – the author should probably be sectioned for everyone’s safety.

Captivating – everyone else has read it, but no one knows why.

Spare and taut – under researched.

Richly detailed – over researched.

Disturbing – the author’s gone completely insane.

Stellar – precocious and very photogenic undergraduate author.

Classic – the author you thought died years ago is still writing.

Vintage – the author you hoped died years ago is still writing.

Saga – about 200 pages too long.

Epic – about 400 pages too long.

Bonus Descriptions

Let’s reach a little further for some stock phrases…

‘Lost in time’ – nobody knows what period it’s set in.

‘From the pen of a master’ – the same old schtick.

‘Tour de force’ – yet more of the same, but longer!

‘In the tradition of’ – shamelessly derivative to the point of plagiarism.

‘A modern masterpiece’ – we’re touting for literary prizes.

‘…with hilarious consequences’ – unrealistic.

‘A page-turner’ – you can skip most of it.

‘Multi-award winning’ – none you’ve ever heard of.

‘I had so many emotions reading this’ – yes; anger, frustration, depression…

‘A fascinating look into the mind of a man’ – a self-obsessed, whining, misanthropic man-child.

 

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